


Sexy Time

by hyperfeline



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, This is crack, i was bored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 20:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5389694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperfeline/pseuds/hyperfeline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crackfic that was made using something that I saw online. Read at your own risk</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexy Time

Roxy knew John was different from the other boys at school.

She noticed it the very first time she laid eyes on him - there was something about the way he smoothly danced his nose when he whistled. Also, he seemed to have an unusual knowledge about psychology. And just last Tuesday after art, she saw him doing the windy thing.

There was something else she knew: she was in love with him. But she didn't know how to win his affections, for he was always cold and distant.

One night, Roxy was reading newspaper about paranormal creatures when she realized the truth: John was a troll!

The next day after class, Roxy saw John head off into the bunker. ''It's now or never,'' she told herself with resignation, and swam after him.

When she caught up to him, he was standing behind tower.

''John, it's me, Roxy. I... I have to tell you something... I love you!''

He sighed deeply and tiptoed toward her. ''Oh, Roxy, there are things you don't understand about me.''

''I know more than you think,'' she breathed. ''I know that you're a troll.''

''It's more complicated than that,'' he said, staring into her fat eyes. ''Love between your kind and mine is forbidden. They would destroy us both if they knew.''

''I don't care,'' Roxy said. ''I could never live without you.''

''Really?''

''Truly,'' she answered.

He reached up and gently caressed her leg in his smol hands. ''I love you, too,'' he whispered.  
And then he kissed her. His kisses were like hotdogs-scented marshmallows upon her lips.  
The days and weeks that followed were hungry. They ate 413 hotdogs, skated, and climbed a mountain. It seemed that nothing could come between them.  
One night while playing checkers, a BANG was heard from outside the bathroom window. ''They've found us,'' John whispered solemnly.  
Roxy sighed. ''At least we've had this short time together.''  
''I won't let them take you from me,'' he promised.

As soon as he spoke, the enemy's leader burst through the door. ''Stand aside!'' the leader ordered John.  
''Never! She is my true love, and you will not take her from me!'' John stood defiantly between Roxy and the leader.

''Then you will both die!''

The leader lunged forward, but John stood his ground. With a OH SHIT, he met the leader head-on. In a swift move, John ripped off the leader's elbow and kicked him in the tummy. Mortally wounded, the leader gasped and died.  
Seeing their mighty leader fall to John's strength, his underlings panicked and ran away, disappearing into the night.  
''That was amazing,'' Roxy breathed.

John leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers, his hotdogs-scented breath caressing her cheek. ''Your love for me gave me the strength I needed. Now, everything is perfect.''  
''Almost perfect...''

''Almost?''

''Everything would be perfect if you made me like you. I know you can do it.''

''Are you sure? If I did this, you'd never be able to shaving again.''

''I'm sure,'' she breathed.

John licked Roxy's armpit, allowing his very essence to flow into her body. She sighed, then AHGGGGHH.  
Soon, the transformation was complete. Roxy was now a shiny troll, just like John. Everything truly was perfect.  
The End.


End file.
